Meet Sandi Gold, a beacon of resilience and inspiration whose life journey from battling a life-threatening disease to embracing love and healing is nothing short of remarkable. In this exclusive interview with MysticMag, Sandi shares her profound insights, reflecting on her transformative experiences, her book “I Chose Love,” and her invaluable advice for navigating trauma, addiction, and the pursuit of personal fulfillment.
Who is Sandi Gold?
I am someone who has always wanted to leave the world a better place than I found it. We have all been given so much! Just look around at the ocean, the trees, the sunsets – all of nature. Plus we’ve been given amazing bodies. One of the ways I express my appreciation is by contributing in ways I can that I hope will be helpful to others.
What is your story and how did beating a life-threatening disease affect your path going forward?
I’m a classically trained artist. I have a degree in fine arts from Boston University. Using my art – sharing my perspective – my goal has always been to offer a different way of seeing things and contribute to people’s lives by expanding their minds. But in 1986, I suddenly developed a temper as my physical strength was decreasing. I scared myself one day by smashing an entire set of dishes against my kitchen wall. This is how a fast-growing, inoperable, life-threatening brain tumor in the worst part of the brain to have a tumor (the pons) was discovered.
My neurosurgeon told me I had six months to a year to live. In the weeks that followed, four more said the same thing. Days later I was sitting alone in my living room thinking about the art I’d most recently created. I’d painted a vase of dead carnations, and a dead fish hanging upside down by a piece of white rope. I’d drawn a woman holding onto a grave and painted a portrait of my grandmother who’d died of a brain tumor before I was born.
When I realized death was the common theme, this became the most frightening moment of my life. I soon realized that it had to be God looking over me, talking to me through my art and I felt more loved and supported than I’d ever felt. I yearned to connect to God’s ankles and never let go. I decided the best way to get closest to Him was to let love guide me.
What is your book “I Chose Love” about and why would you recommend it to readers?
My book starts with my diagnosis and being told I’d soon die. I share with my readers the decisions I made over the next twenty-something years, why I made them, and how they have contributed to my being alive today. I suggest to my readers not to do as I did because each person must follow their own heart – the custom-made GPS that we were all born with for our protection. I show my readers that we all have options. I’d recommend my book especially now, more than ever because ever since it was published on January 16, my readers have been endlessly expressing how pleased they are with all that they’re learning from reading it. They keep giving me 5-star reviews!
What would be your message or advice to anyone dealing with addictions or trauma?
Learn the many symptoms of trauma. Google “Symptoms from trauma.” Don’t try to adapt as best you can every time a symptom surfaces. This is what I did for years because I didn’t know that the effects of the traumas I’d had never left my body. Because traumas separate us from ourselves, I believed for years I’d never been traumatized! Thinking like I did is typical of people who’ve been traumatized and it’s why so many people never get the help they need. And it’s why we need people who care about us to lovingly and gently tell us that we need help. Hearing me say I’d never been traumatized, a friend asked me to define trauma for her. I was shocked to discover that I had been, not just once but numerous times.
Our nervous system is always trying to protect us. It remembers all the threats from our past. Before I understood this and got help from two excellent trauma specialists, every time I felt threatened (by even the smallest things) my nervous system reacted. I’d either fight, flee, or freeze in fear. And then I’d isolate. Thankfully, I learned that how I was reacting was appropriate considering all that I’d been through because this is how our nervous systems were designed to act.
No longer do I feel shame when a trauma symptom surfaces. Instead, I feel compassion for myself and envelope myself with love. Once I learned to do this, my healing began. The more support I gave myself, the less the symptoms surfaced. I also learned to appreciate my nervous system’s willingness to protect me 24/7 and be grateful for its never-ending loyalty. Now fewer symptoms surface.
To answer your question about addictions, addictions run in my family. Whether someone had an addiction or not, no one in my family ever learned how to effectively cope with their emotions. Because none of the adults had ever learned how to cope with theirs, they couldn’t teach their children. After my diagnosis, I had to learn to feel and embrace all of my emotions to help save my life.
None of my family members had the tools to cope with my possible death and my lengthy ongoing illness. This had to be exceptionally scary to them. During the most vulnerable times in my life, the only thing they knew to do was to pick fights with me or exit from my life which traumatized me more. I didn’t understand why back then, and they wouldn’t explain their actions. Because I love my family and I knew they loved me, I had to figure out for myself why they were so angry with me. It was by using my love for them and keeping my heart open that I finally understood and found peace after this long, painful, and heart-wrenching experience.
A lot of people want to write a book, and many will start one but never finish or publish it. What kept you persevering and how many years did it take?
From the moment I was diagnosed, I was learning so much! I never even had aspirin in my home before I was diagnosed with the brain tumor. I’d always been healthy, so I knew very little about doctors, hospitals, and the many ways poor health can change our lives.
I knew other people were suffering in a wide range of ways (such as having to navigate through the often dysfunctional medical world, coping with addictions in their families, (and some while having a life-threatening illness), many were suffering from traumas, and a lot of people had no idea how much we benefit by feeling our feelings, or how important it is to set boundaries and to see themselves as individuals and that they deserve patient-centered healthcare). There was no way I was going to keep all I learned to myself! It became my decades-long passion to write this book.
I got radiation damage to my brain from my treatment and my doctors couldn’t help me. I used natural treatments to overcome these symptoms. Because I was sick for so long and I was financially struggling, it took me decades to finish my book. I was so enthusiastic that I wrote and wrote until I realized that books are required to be a certain length. I had to edit out about half of what I wrote. This turned out to be a good thing because I left only the most important things in my book, and it never drags.
I wasn’t expecting so many people to tell me “I Chose Love” is a page-turner. This is a very unusual thing for a non-fiction book. Not long ago, I met a friend for lunch who arrived looking somewhat disheveled. She told me she was tired, and that it was my fault because she was reading my book in bed, and she couldn’t put it down. It’s as if while people are reading it, they’re feeling the same enthusiasm I felt while writing it. Look my book up on Amazon and read the reviews here. But to support authors, always buy their books from their own websites. Mine is www.sandigold.com. My book comes in softcover, eBook, and audio format. And while you’re on my website, sign up for my free newsletter where I answer people’s questions every month because people have been asking me questions every day.
