In an insightful interview with MysticMag, personal development coach Seth Kopald shares the profound impact of Internal Family Systems (IFS), which transformed his life during a challenging divorce.
He reveals how recognizing that his anxiety was only one part of him—not his whole self—ignited a path to personal freedom. Blending this revelation with his expertise in leadership and organizational development, Kopald now uses IFS to guide clients toward connecting with their inner parts.
Through this approach, he empowers others to navigate their protective and pained parts, helping them unlock their authentic selves for a more balanced, fulfilling life.
What led you to become a personal development coach?
I discovered Internal Family Systems (IFS) during a difficult time in my life—while I was going through a divorce. Learning that the anxiety I was experiencing was just one part of me, and not all of me, was truly liberating. That insight gave me a sense of freedom in my own personal life.
At the same time, I was studying leadership and organizational development, focusing on how to create environments where people feel safe to speak their minds. These two paths naturally came together. I decided to pursue IFS training so I could help others connect with their own internal parts and experience that same kind of freedom—to live the life they truly want.
How does Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy influence your coaching approach?
The IFS model isn’t just for therapy—people use it in coaching and for personal development as well. The model believes that we all have different parts inside of us. Some of these parts are protective, designed to keep us safe, while others hold onto pain and are often locked away.
When working with clients, I view them through this lens—that they are a collection of parts. No matter what they’re focused on or trying to improve, I assume that if they’re not experiencing ease, peace, or contentment, some part of them is taking over their mind and body and running the show.
For example, a protective part might emerge, one that feels like everyone is a threat and pushes people away to stay safe. This part may have served a purpose at one point in their life, but when it continues to operate, it can lead to isolation. People may find themselves alone, without close relationships or collaborators.
My job is to help my clients get to know these parts and build trust, recognizing that there is a larger, authentic self within them. This self is protective when needed, but it also has the wisdom to navigate the world from a place of authenticity.
So, IFS influences everything I do with clients—it’s the framework, the lens I use to help them connect with their true selves and lead a more balanced life.
What are the most common challenges leaders face, and how do you help them overcome these?
Right now, one of the biggest challenges I’m seeing is that many people—leaders included—are feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world, which creates a lot of anxiety. On the other hand, they may also feel shut down or isolated. Even though they might be scrolling through their phones, they aren’t truly present.
These behaviors are protective measures. For example, when someone feels anxious, they might start scanning the future, trying to predict what will happen next in an effort to stay safe. Similarly, behaviors like scrolling on a phone or becoming numb are ways that people try to protect themselves from pain. However, these parts don’t always recognize the unintended consequences. While they may provide short-term relief, they prevent us from feeling alive or being present in the moment.
The most common challenge I see is a combination of anxiety and a sense of disconnection from oneself. People often use coping mechanisms to avoid their feelings. These behaviors, which I call “firefighters,” are designed to put out the fire of emotion. Some people may scroll on their phones, eat, drink, or even engage in more extreme behaviors like gambling or substance use. On a milder level, it could be things like binge-watching TV, zoning out, or exercising excessively to avoid confronting difficult emotions.
These behaviors, whether extreme or mild, are attempts to soothe discomfort, but they ultimately prevent people from being fully present and connected to themselves.
Can you share a success story where your coaching made a significant impact?
One common story I often see is that clients begin to take on the role of the “new adult” in their internal system. Many of our parts are stuck in the past, often behaving like children. I worked with a client recently whose life was being managed by a part of them that was essentially a 12-year-old. When that 12-year-old part realized there was an adult present who could handle things, it was able to relax and stop taking over.
Think about it: what would life be like if a 12-year-old were running your life? It wouldn’t always go smoothly, right? But when a capable adult takes charge—much like the parent the 12-year-old part needed—it makes all the difference. Often, that part never had the support it needed at that age. Nobody was there to listen or offer reassurance.
Now, as an adult, I’m able to tell that 12-year-old part, “I’m here for you, I can handle things now.” This shift not only brings relief but can also feel like a moment of spiritual enlightenment. Clients often report that they’re not just more present for themselves, but they feel a deeper connection to a larger, more divine sense of self.
When we’re consumed by our protective parts, it can create a sense of isolation. But when we reconnect with our authentic selves, clients tend to feel more connected, happier, and at peace.
How do mindfulness and self-awareness contribute to effective Self-Leadership?
Mindfulness and self-awareness are about paying attention to what’s happening inside of us. For example, when we’re activated by something—what people often refer to as being “triggered”—we might notice words or actions flying out of our mouths before we even realize it. The first step is to pause, take a breath, and check in with ourselves: what’s the feeling in my body?
Once we notice that a part of us is taking over, the next question becomes, “Who is noticing?” Am I noticing this from a loving, compassionate place, or am I noticing from a critical mindset, thinking, “I hate this part of me. Why is it doing this?” If it’s the latter, then we’re not yet in a place of true self-awareness.
Mindfulness helps us recognize that we have multiple parts. There’s the activated part of me and the critical part of me. The question is, how do I feel toward these parts? Can I soften my attitude and show compassion toward them?
For example, I might think, “I wish the critic didn’t have to work so hard.” I can then ask myself, “What does this activated part need right now?” If I’m coming from a place of love and understanding, I can invite these parts to communicate. I can ask, “Can I be here for you? Can you give me some space to speak from my heart?”
Mindfulness acts as the door that opens this process. By looking inward and noticing what’s happening in my body and my internal system, I’m able to take control. Without mindfulness, we’re like passengers on a bus with all our parts fighting for control. One part might just take over the wheel and drive us wherever it wants, even if it means saying or doing things we’ll regret. But when we come from a place of Self-Leadership, we step up, take the wheel, and ask, “Can we pull over and let me drive?”
What advice would you give to someone looking to unlock their full potential?
If this approach resonates with you, I’d recommend looking into Internal Family Systems (IFS). It’s practiced globally, and you can easily find practitioners near you by searching for the IFS Institute.
In your personal life, the key is to take those moments when you feel you’re not where you want to be—whether you’re triggered or activated. Pause, take a breath, and notice what’s happening inside of you. Ask yourself, “Who’s taking over?” Even if you don’t know exactly which part it is, you can recognize emotions like anger or frustration taking over. Then, ask yourself, “Who’s feeling frustrated? Is it 18-year-old me, 5-year-old me, or someone else?”
Take the time to be with those parts and get to know them. In my book, I go into detail about how to do this. It covers not only personal life but also how to apply these principles in parenting, at work, in relationships, and in your spirituality. The book is called Self LED: Living a Connected Life with Yourself and Others, and it’s an application of IFS. It’s written in a conversational tone, so it’s not academic but more practical.
What makes it effective is the mindfulness aspect. For example, if you’re about to yell at your kids, partner, or boss, pause for a moment to check in: “Who is here right now?” and ask that person for space. The goal isn’t to get rid of parts or reject them, but to allow your higher, authentic self to take the lead in those situations.
With IFS, there’s also the potential for deep healing. Over time, you can address core beliefs that parts of you are holding—like feelings of shame or worthlessness. These parts, called exiles, are often locked away because they hold painful beliefs from past experiences. Through IFS, you can help heal those parts by releasing those beliefs, which no longer serve you.
At its core, IFS believes that you are born with your highest, authentic self—beautiful and ready to live fully. However, mistreatment or past experiences may cause you to carry burdens, which make you feel defensive, protective, or scared. The goal is to return to that authentic self, your essence.
Find out more at: www.sethkopald.com
